This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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