I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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