From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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