I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
