Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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