The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
