"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
