Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
