people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
