Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
