So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You are a genius and a whore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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