My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
