In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My feet surprised me
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