Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
