She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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