I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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