Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
