How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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