There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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