then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
a search helicopter?!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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