life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
