im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
