Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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