You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
