I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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