Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
