My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
