I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she told me i tasted like america
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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