Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
