you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And then my night got REAL pukey
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
