bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
