Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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