It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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