You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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