What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just puked most of my soul out..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
