I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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