Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
