I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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