Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
