textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
