I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
