So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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