3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The struggles of a small town man whore
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
