i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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