I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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