it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
