I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
