I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my phone needs a breathalizer
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
