He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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