I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
this is an emotional support booty call
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
