Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
